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While others are busy buying roses and chocolates or booking romantic getaways on this day, some hear the most devastating words, "I don't love you anymore." For many marriages and relationships, these words mark an irreparable turning point.

While some savored candlelit dinners with sweet ballads playing softly in the background, others huddled in the darkness of their rooms, reeling from the pain of separation.

We often hear of fairy-tale weddings — bridal gowns embellished with real diamonds. However, these couples break up in less than a year.

Society often dictates how love and affection should be expressed, particularly on Valentine's Day. These established norms pressure individuals to conform, even unfairly labeling those who express love differently as insensitive or unromantic.

Such societal expectations transform stores and malls into seas of red, overflowing with heart-shaped decorations and themed photo booths.

Street vendors even measure up, flooding cheaper versions of bouquets on the street sides, providing options for those on a tighter budget.

On the other hand, millions are spent on extravagant gifts. Hotel suites are fully booked, movie theaters are packed, and fancy restaurants crowded. The sheer ubiquity of these displays can evoke a sense of longing, especially for those who are not in relationships or those who can't afford fancy celebrations.

Before we move on to self-assessments, let's first look back at how the celebration of Valentine's Day began. However, the origin of this matter traces back to a long history. 

History.com editors, in an article dated Feb. 4, 2025, stated that Valentine's Day's origins are a mix of historical and romantic influences. It's thought to have evolved from the ancient Roman fertility festival of Lupercalia. The holiday is then named after several martyred Christian saints named Valentine, one of whom is said to have secretly married soldiers against the emperor's wishes. 

The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer's romantic poetry further linked the day to love and courtship. He was the first to record St. Valentine’s Day as a romantic celebration in his 1375 poem “Parliament of Fowls,” writing, “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day / Whan every foul cometh there to choose his mate.”

Another recorded poem was written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while imprisoned in the Tower of London following his capture at the Battle of Agincourt.

Then, there is Cupid, often portrayed on Valentine’s Day cards as a naked cherub launching arrows of love at unsuspecting lovers. This Greek mythology pointed to the Roman God Cupid as the Greek God, Eros.

Over time, these influences blended, creating the modern Valentine's Day, which is characterized by expressions of romantic love through cards, flowers, and gifts.

However, there are some controversies arising from the celebration. While many Christians celebrate Valentine's Day, some raise concerns about its roots in the pagan Roman festival of Lupercalia. Others worry that the emphasis on romantic love overshadows other essential forms of love and that the commercialization of the holiday detracts from its true meaning. 

Ultimately, individual Christians hold diverse views on the holiday, with some avoiding it entirely and others embracing it while remaining mindful of these potential issues.

However, there are several important considerations beyond just the issues related to Valentine's Day. Our focal point should be the genuine expression of love and how to be truly happy in a relationship. 

How can love be perfect? How can it last forever? And how do you tell genuine affection from superficial ones? 

What constitutes enough love? Or, perhaps: By what standards is love deemed sufficient?

Are those grand gestures during Valentine's Day true measures of love? What if your partner can't afford such displays? What if they express affection differently, finding these traditions corny? What if sweet words don't come easily to them, or they aren't naturally affectionate? Would you then feel unloved? Unvalued? 

What does the Bible say about love?

The Bible guides husbands and wives regarding love within marriage. Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Wives are called to respect their husbands, and both are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

1 Corinthians 13 provides a famous description of love: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

This verse often applies to one of the most common relationship issues—the lack of trust and jealousy. I believe expressing love should not be constrained by too many rules, such as setting curfews or restricting our partners from associating only with those we approve of. Instead of letting any deviation from these rules spark a fight between couples, we should foster trust and allow for freedom in our relationships.

When it comes to societal expectations, many couples adhere strictly to their marital vows, which say, "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part."

In this context, many have remained loyal until death, having never received even a single rose from their garden or tasted a bar of chocolate during Valentine's Day. 

For one, my husband never bought me any expensive material tokens of love. One day, he told me, “I may not have brought you to fancy dates, but I am saving instead the last penny I get for your future." (He was the one who sponsored my studies in college.)

We have been in a relationship for seven years and married for 17 years, but he loves and supports me as if I am the most fragile human being on earth. We have never fought over trivial things, and we have never had a major one.

Despite financial struggles, the home he provides us is our heaven on earth. He never asks why I go home late but waits for me by the roadside. He gives me all the time I need to write, even if it means he has to do all the chores in the house.

Like any other woman whose heart may seem to jump out of her rib cage when given special material tokens of affection, I also yearn for those tangible ways of expression. Yet, I also believe that having none of these is not a gauge of a happy and successful relationship.

Love is genuinely expressed in myriad ways, yet it may not be according to the standard the world sets. 

How about you? How do you see these Valentine's Day traditions?

What does true love consist of, in your opinion? How do you want your partners to show their affection on special dates?

Lyn Lucero/CPUC Communication Department